The following is based upon unsubstantiated accounts.
EXT: SIDEWALK NEW YORK CITY
Ground floor view looking up at a skyscraper.
The building is grey, gothic and mammoth. An ornate sign over the entrance gives us the name of the owner of this building: JPMorgan Chase.
A date flashes at the bottom of the screen: March 13, 2008
INT: OFFICE LOBBY
Two men stand uncomfortably in front of a beautiful, red headed woman, BRONWYN HENDRICKS, who sits at a receptionist’s desk. One man is bearded and bald. The other is thin and boyish looking with floppy brown hair. Each wears a cheap, ill fitting suit with shoes that don’t match. These men are BEN BERNANKE and TIMOTHY GEITHNER.
BRONWYN: Is Mr. Dimon expecting you?
TIMOTHY: Well, not exactly, you see…
BEN (cutting TIMOTHY off, somewhat franticly): We have to see him!
TIMOTHY: Just tell him it’s ol’ Timmy Geithner.
BEN (even wider-eyed and more frantic than before): We have to see him!
BRONWYN (dubiously): Geetner and
BEN: Bernanke!
BRONWYN: OK, I’ll see. Please sit over there while I check in with Mr. Dimon.
TIMOTHY: Remember to tell him it’s Timmy Geithner.
BEN: We have to see him!
TIMOTHY: Don’t worry, Ben. (Grabbing Ben by the shoulders and moving him to the waiting area.) You see me and Jamie go way back. Yes we do. Jamie told me if I ever got into a fix I should call him up and he would take care of it.
BEN (Calming slightly): He did?
TIMOTHY: Now, you let me do all the talkin’, Ben. I know these Wall St types. They real tough. Tough as nails, but I know how to speak their language.
Out of the doorway of the office walks a tall, fit, good looking man. He is impeccably dressed and groomed. He stands straight, walks with confidence and oozes success. He flashes a big, bright smile as he exits his office door and enters the reception area. This is JAMIE DIMON.
JAMIE: Little Timmy Geithner. What are you doing in these parts? (looking at Bronwyn reproachfully) Bronwyn, how could you keep Timmy Geithner waiting? Timmy’s an important man.
TIMOTHY: Ah gee, Jamie…
JAMIE: And what do we have here? Is that Ben Bernanke?
BEN: We’re in a heck of a mess, Jamie!
TIMOTHY: Shush, Ben! Yes, this is Ben. Say hi, Ben.
BEN (embarrassed and downcast): Hi, Jamie.
JAMIE: A mess, huh?
TIMOTHY: No, no, Jamie. Not a mess. More like, um, we have a great opportunity for you.
JAMIE: A great opportunity for me? Come on in and tell me all about this great opportunity. Bronwyn, get these boys a glass of Noah’s Mill. Ice or neat, boys?
BEN: Is that alcohol? I dunno if we should be drinking right now.
TIMOTHY (furiously to Ben): Ben! Quiet! This is the way you do it on Wall St! Yes, of course we would love some Noah’s Ark. Neat is just fine.
JAMIE: Great. Come right in. Bronwyn, some Noah’s Mill for the boys and me.
BRONWYN: Yes, Mr. Dimon.
INT: JAMIE DIMON’S OFFICE.
Jamie walks in and sits behind a massive oak desk. The office has expansive views of the New York skyline. Ben walks in with mouth opened awe.
BEN: Wow.
Timothy and Ben sit in the guest chairs.
JAMIE: They say Mr. JP Morgan himself used this desk. Really something, isn’t it? Now, what is this about an (beat) opportunity?
BEN: It’s Bear, Jamie. They can’t pay their bills…
TIMOTHY: Ben!
Bronwyn interrupts to drop off the drinks
TIMOTHY: Thanks.
Timothy takes a big sip of courage before restarting.
TIMOTHY: It’s Bear, Jamie. Jimmy Cayne, he’s got himself in a whole heap of trouble.
JAMIE: Jimmy? My mother was at a bridge tournament recently and saw him there. She said he looked great. Has something happened?
TIMOTHY: Oh, it’s this whole subprime mortgage thing, Jamie. I guess, Jimmy, he got himself a little too deep in that stuff and now he needs some help gettin’ out.
JAMIE: Subprime? I’m not sure I’m the right man for that. I’m a simple commercial banker.
BEN (animatedly): You have to help!
TIMOTHY: Quiet, Ben. Let me do the talking. See the thing is Jamie, Bear is having some, um, short term cash flow needs and they need a little money, just for a little while mind you, or they may go (leans in and whispers) out of business.
JAMIE: Short term cash flow needs?
TIMOTHY: Yes, exactly. See, Ben and I here we was hopin’ that maybe you can help Bear out with a little loan.
JAMIE: Golly, boys. You know how much I would love to help, but I don’t think there is anything I can do. I’m so busy right now. (Gestures at the two files sitting on his desk) My wife is badgering me about re-doing the kitchen at our Hamptons place. Bronwyn keeps pestering me to look at some plans for renovating the building lobby. I’m burning the midnight oil around these parts.
BEN: Man, oh, man. That is a lot of stuff.
TIMOTHY: (Losing his cool) Jamie, you have to… (Immediately calming himself down) I mean, couldn’t you even check it out, Jamie? It would mean the world to us.
JAMIE: I tell you what I’ll do. Now, I’m going to get in trouble with Bronwyn over this, so you owe me big time, but maybe I can put that dang lobby renovation on hold and take Bear off your hands.
BEN: (Excitedly) You would do that for us?
TIMOTHY: That’s great, Jamie. And what are you thinking of paying for Bear?
JAMIE: Paying?
TIMOTHY: You know, what are you willing to pay for Bear to, uh, take them off our hands?
JAMIE: (Rubbing his chin) Well, I guess if you guys take, I don’t know, let’s say $30 billion of the worst assets off their books then it is one done deal.
BEN (Dumbfounded): $30 billion?
TIMOTHY: (Wiping sweat off his brow) $30 billion? That’s a lot of money. Well, I guess maybe we can do that. Yeah, yeah, we can do that. OK, how much will you pay then?
JD (Confused): Pay?
TG: For all the rest of the assets and liabilities?
JD: (Shaking his head) I’m sorry, guys. I thought I had explained about the lobby renovation. That is a big sacrifice. Then there is also all the work of bringing the Bear guys over and teaching them the JPMorgan corporate song. It takes a lot of work to get that song right. I’m not sure you guys appreciate…
TG: Oh, no, Jamie. It ain’t like that. We totally understand. Don’t we, Ben?
BEN (Nodding furiously): We understand!
TIMOTHY: It’s just the taxpayer, Jamie. Sometimes they don’t understand all this high finance and e-co-nomics talk. Some reporter tells them that we gave Bear to JPMorgan while taking on $30 billion dollars in potential losses and they think we ain’t doin’ our jobs. Ain’t that right, Ben.
BEN: The taxpayer, Jamie. He just don’t understand all this finance and economics.
JAMIE: Hmm. I guess that is a problem. I know what a great job you all are doing and I would hate for some know nothing from the NY Times to get this all mixed up. (beat) I tell you what I will do boys. (Pounding his desk) I will take on the first $1B in losses on that $30B portfolio. How can anyone complain then?
TIMOTHY: Great. OK, ok, and the shares? How much will you pay for those?
JAMIE: Man, you boys drive one hell of a hard bargain. The board is going to crucify me for this one, but, for you little monkeys, I’ll do it. I’ll give you 2 bucks a share.
TIMOTHY: Gee whiz, 2 dollars, Jamie. You would do that just for us? That’s mighty swell. That’s mighty swell, ain’t it, Ben?
BEN: Oh, oh, great job, Tim. Wait til we tell Paulson. He’ll respect us then. He’ll start letting us attend the big boy meetings after he hears about this.
JAMIE: Ah, my reputation is going to be shot, but it’s a deal, boys. (Standing up and walking over to shake hands). Bronwyn (calling out), pour a celebratory round for me and the boys.
Bronwyn enters and tops off everyone’s glass.
JAMIE: (holding up his glass) To Wall Street!
BEN and TIMOTHY together: To Wall Street!
The three men clink their glasses and take deep sips.
Fade to black.
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